The issue of Divorce has always been in existence. In developed countries like the United States and the United Kingdom, getting a divorce is almost only a phone call and a signature away; and, people apply for divorce for a wide range of reasons, some, very preposterous.
There have been instances where couples got divorced after only weeks of being married. While others even got divorced a day after the wedding. All the love that existed between them died right after the ceremonies; and the butterflies that once flew happily around in both their bellies while they dated, died of exhaustion and dehydration after the wedding dance.
In Nigeria, divorce cases have nearly tripled since the turn of the century. What used to be considered a taboo in Nigerian culture is now seen as a viable way out of a turbulent marriage.
This post highlights the top stupid, weird and funny reasons why Nigerian couples get divorced. As you read, some of the reasons cited here might be amusing and nearly impossible to believe, but they are only a sad reflection of the level of erosion of values and the moral decadence that has eaten deep into the foundations of our culture and value system.
Here are top reasons why Nigerian couples divorce and apply for divorce, based on real happenings.
#Reason 1. “She had Substandard Physical Features”.
This is about the silliest reason why a couple should seek a divorce. Perhaps, this should be made known in clear detail to a certain 32-year-old man by the name Makinde Adelani. Mr. Makinde filed for divorce few hours after his wedding, and his reason for seeking a divorce was that his wife’s buttocks were not as big as they appeared to be before they got married. Well, it turned out that his wife had been making use of specialized butt pads to enhance the size and shape of her buttocks all through their courting period. Now, they had got married, and as they prepared to consummate the marriage, Mr. Makinde discovered that his wife’s real buttocks as only a shadow of all he had seen before then. In his words, her buttocks were “as flat as an Ironing board.”
What a comparison!
And, for that singular reason, he sought to dissolve the marriage.
In a similar development, a 35-year-old businessman by the name Ibrahim Soji, ended his two-month-old marriage to Rashidat because he felt her breasts were too small to fondle. Like Mr. Makinde, he had no idea of what the woman’s mammary glands were like before marriage, until the point of consummation. It turned out that Rashidat had been using artificial breast pads to increase the size and shape of her breasts; and, on their wedding night, Ibrahim’s love suddenly sublimed into anger and frustration, and he began to curse his luck. What looked massive and attractive was no more. It was all a farce.
Two months down the line, he couldn’t take it any longer.
These were his words, as he presented his case in court: “It was her breasts that attracted me to her. I first met her when she came to my shop to buy something, and instantly her breasts got my attention. We became friends and I proposed to her, and we got married; only for me to discover that her breasts are as small as cherry fruit. I cannot cope with such. It is better to end the marriage now.”
Somebody should have reminded these men that marriage is indeed “for better, for worse!”
If these reasons aren’t stupid enough, check out the next one.
#Reason 2: “I want to beat her, but her people will not allow me; so, I want a divorce.”
Just when we thought we had heard it all, then came this genius named Adebola Adetire, asking for a divorce at an Ikeja High Court in Lagos. He wanted to divorce his wife of five years because his in-laws wouldn’t allow him to beat up his wife, for reasons best known to him.
This is incredible. Or, perhaps, the purest expression of love in his hometown is battery.
Well, everyone who heard his story was amazed, and he didn’t stop there. In his words; ”My wife is very stubborn, and I want to deal with her. But her people will not allow me. Is she not my wife? I want to really beat her up. I need to teach her a lesson and put sense back in her head. But now that they are stopping me from doing that, it is better they take her back.”
He divorced his wife because his in-laws wouldnt allow hi beat up his wife!
#Reason 3: “He likes pressing the toothpaste from the middle.”
The more I hear these reasons and make research and find that they are true and not some work of fiction, the more I realize that common sense is rapidly on the decline amongst the population. This particular reason mentioned here was given by a woman at a Shagamu customary court, as she filed for divorce to dissolve her two-year-old marriage. To her, she had endured enough of the man’s idiosyncrasies. She admitted that he provided for her needs and for the home, but that she could not put up with him always pressing the tube of the toothpaste from the middle. She said that normal people press it from the end of the tube, and that pressing it from the middle would make the toothpaste finish sooner, making them have to buy toothpaste more often than normal. She said she had spoken to her husband severally about the matter, but to no avail. Now, she was tired.
Couple divorcing over toothpaste? What a world!
#Reason 4: “She farts too often, and the smell is disastrous”
When a certain Abidemi Olaoluwa and Emmanuel Obafemi tied the knots, they probably expected to live happily ever after, come what may. Well, their plans were short lived, and their marriage eventually crashed after three years and seven months. What was the cause? Narrating his grievance to an Igando customary court wile filing the suit for divorce, Emmanuel stated that he could no longer bear the burden of his wife Abidemi’s frequent farts. He noted that she probably had a stomach problem, and that whenever they ate he always suffered from her fart concerts. He described them as ‘loud, smelly and disgusting’, adding that her consistency in offering up flatulence was beginning to affect his health.
“I cannot come and die before my time. She farts too much. Let her go and continue it in her father’s house!” He said.
#Reason 5: “She didn’t bring any kitchen utensils from her father’s house’
This was the main reason why a certain Asala Emmanuel, 55, had filed for divorce. He had been married to his heartthrob Busayo for six months, and decided that he was no longer interested in the marriage after Busayo moved into his house with only her clothes. In his opinion, she should have moved in with all her kitchen utensils to be used in making his meals. He said these words:
“How will a woman marry into her husband’s house and will not come with her blender, plates, spoons, pots, kettle and frying pan?” When urged to continue, he added:” She did not bring these things to my house. I bought them myself, after paying so much for her bride price. I expected her to bring all that she will need in the kitchen along. But she didn’t. And I’m tired. I can’t continue like this.”
And he didn’t end there. He went further to ask the court to order his wife to return all the things he bought with his money.
#Reason 6: “He said on Facebook that he is single. So, let him be single.”
Mrs. Merit Adams decided to end her four-year-old marriage to Mr. Alex Adams, simply because, she stumbled on his Facebook page and found that his relationship status indicated that he was ‘Single’. She told the court that Adams should have updated his status when they got married, but he refused or forgot.
“Now, since he said to the whole world that he is still single, it could be that he really wants to be single again, so I want to grant him his wish. I won’t wait for him to come and break my heart. I will be the one to break his own heart.”
And with that, Mrs. Adams divorced her husband.
Such high-level intelligence she exhibited there.
#Reason 7: “His boots smell a lot”
Smelling shoes can be very annoying. The stench fouls the air and makes one feel dirty and unclean. Dirty shoes in a closed space can be a real pain; but, should it be the reason to seek divorce from a marriage?
Well, apparently, some people do not think this way. One of such people is Rachael Ejembi. Rachael had been married to Tony for the past five years. Tony had recently got a job with a construction company, and he always came home with his boots. After a hard day’s work, during which he wore the boots, the smell oozing out of them was usually horrible; and, Rachael felt he was being insensitive by always bringing smelly boots home. She felt he disrespected her, and decided that the best thing to end the odour saga was to leave the house and the marriage with her three kids. She eventually filed for divorce at an Igando customary court, complaining about the odour of her husband’s boots, whenever he returns from work. She decided that divorce was her last resort, having tried and exhausted all other means to rectify the situation. She further even pleaded for the custody of her three kids.
#Reason 8: When he gets drunk, he poops in the cooking pot
A certain amazing woman by the name Kele Ogundele divorced her husband of eight years because, according to her, he loved to drink alcohol with friends, and whenever he drank and came home drunk, he often used one of her cooking pots to empty his bowels, rather than going to the toilet to pass his faeces…
And his faeces were one of a kind.
She said she had endured enough, and was officially done with the marriage. When she moved her belongings out of the house, she left him a pot to continue to use to empty his bowels.
#Reason 9: “He snores like a Pig!”
Whatever happened to the part of the marriage vow that reads “for better, for worse”? Apparently, most couples say those words mindlessly, eager to pass through the ceremonies of the day to fully consummate their marriage.
One could smell the anger and bitterness in the voice of Angela Nwokoh, as she spoke about why she divorced her husband. She had been married to Francis Osinachi for two years, and those two years had been anything but fine. Before they got married, she did not know that Francis usually snored during sleep. She would never have known that he snored as they never slept together before their wedding. However, from the first night they spent together as husband and wife, she noticed it; and it only grew worse as time went by. After two years of enduring it, she could barely sleep, and she decided that a divorce was her best option.
Narrating her account, she said: “It’s not a joke o. I will be trying to sleep, and all of a sudden Francis will burst out with his loud grunts. At first I thought some animal had entered our bedroom, later I understood that it was him. He would snore loud and hard for a while, and then he will suddenly stop; then I’ll begin to fear if he lost his breath, or even died. How long do I want to continue with this one? I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything. I cannot come and kill myself. I’m done here”
These are some of the silly reasons why couples divorce in Nigeria.