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Buzz Other People

Various types of people you meet at the ATM in Naija.

For real Nigerians are very funny people. You can be in a foreign country and easily identify a Nigerian in the midst of foreigners because, our attitude and character is out of this world. God did not create two like us. Our behavior is on a completely different level both positively and negatively.

Except you are a child or cripple, then you must have been in an ATM queue or any other queue for that matter. You can’t help but notice Nigerians exhibiting their different characters that can be very amusing, annoying and sometimes outrightly stupendous. Here are some different characters you can find on display at ATM queues.

The Preacher

When there is a queue at the ATM, especially at mornings in mostly the southern part of the country, you are likely to find an evangelist preaching the word of God. But really most people will not be interested in hearing, especially at that time of the day when they are thinking about their daily events and want to withdraw quickly and get out of there. But they don’t care, as long as two or more are gathered, the lord is there.

I dun care security guard

These ones? Shege…they no send you at all. Whether the ATM even rise up start to fight you, no movement from them because they have observed you that ‘pepper nor rest’ and no matter the assistance they render, nothing go fall out from your pocket.

My encounter with these ones one day, I took my friends SUV to the ATM, and behold; a long line just as it was during the time of the Israelites crossing the red sea. On sighting me, the security guard jumped from his chair and was like ‘my chiaman, come this side.’ all the while innocent Nigerians were standing under the sun to withdraw from only one dispensing ATM, only for the security guard to turn on the other ATM by the side for me to withdraw. I had to query the security guard why he didn’t turn the ATM on to allow more people withdraw all along, he came up with a flimsy excuse. These set of people you find at the ATM are the worse.

The Money Team (TMT)

Did you go to the ATM to withdraw a little sum to get few things taken care of and on the ATM queue, you find a couple of casually dressed individuals finishing all the money in the ATM? These ones, it starts like this…it gets to his turn, he brings out his UBA card, 20k, shhhhshhhsshhkpraah…then another 20k, and another, and another, when you thought he has reached him limit, oga brings out First Bank and continues the circle. Then when he is done, his friend on the line does exactly the same thing and when it gets to your turn, sorry temporarily unable to dispense aka money dun finish. By this time, all your strength don finish to even argue, you go just jejely carry yourself commot there, at the same time dey beg God to pick your call.

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The very friendly security guard

These types of security personnel no dey give wahala at all. You can find them assisting people with different issues. They are there at your service to make sure that you withdraw and of course, make sure that you withdraw their own otherwise that friendliness will turn to something else in the blink of any eye.

The story tellers

Some people are unbelievable talkatives. They can talk from now till tomorrow as long as someone is willing to listen. These types of people can originate a story from thin air. Sometimes you can even smell the lies in the story then you’ll begin to pay less attention. When you meet these types of people at the ATM queue just get ready to have your mind blown by the ridiculous stories you’ll hear.

First class beggars

Yes, even begging get class. Ever been at an ATM when a well-dressed individual; could be male or female approaches you and politely begs you for money giving one flimsy excuse or the other? They’ll look you straight in the eye, to the extent you start to feel like they know your deepest secrets and if you start feeling pity for them, they turn the begging up a notch and their acting skills come into play; tears start dropping from the cheeks. they’ve got you. You part with whatever spare change you have, but don’t be fooled. Na their work be that.

Patience is not a virtue

Nigerians are not known to be patient people. No time to waste time. But some people don’t know when it is really time to pause that attitude. Like when you’re at an ATM queue duh. What do you expect? That you will still keep up to schedule when you are the back of a line longer than the one that is usually at Ahmed Musa’s house during Salah or Davido’s house every now and then?? The worse is those that are actually hurrying nowhere. It is 7:30pm, you’ll still see somebody shouting that they should allow him to withdraw because he’s late for a meeting. Bros, that meeting is certainly not in the land of the living.

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The Unlucky Card owner

Sometimes you go to the ATM to withdraw a very important and urgent fund only for the ATM to misbehave and seize your card leaving you in a state of utter confusion. The worse is when your card is seized by a bank you don’t operate. It is finished. You will now notice people deserting that ATM before your ‘badluck’ rub off on them. At this point you’re already singing a glorious hymn in your mind ‘lord show me your face today in my life’. It’s crazy!

The Computer illiterate

Aah, we all must have witnessed these types of people at the ATM. Normally I don’t blame these ones at all. The only time I have problem with these ones is when they just stand in front of the machine without asking for help. Haba! Where you expecting Jehovah to come help your aunty? You nor know say you go ask for help?

The line breakers

We are not in the Buhari/Idiagbon regime of whipping people in line anymore, so some I’ll mannered people do as they like. And in an ATM queue, you might just be unlucky to come across some of these people with very poor home training. These one will see a line at the ATM o but no, as them dey arrive, straight to the front. Especially if they notice that they are the strongest on the queue.

Romeo and Juliet

The two love birds laughing and giggling together at almost everything. Sometimes you can even see them with matching colors. These are the type that are not afraid or shy to publicly display their affection for each other. And when it gets to their turn to withdraw, they go together. With these ones, it is best you don’t even pay attention to them because you can easily get carried away and you might not notice the other characters around you.

Street fighter

Nigerians gat no chill, we know. You can even see a very calm individual turn into an animal in the blink of an eye. And at Bank ATM’s even, fight can burst out of nowhere. I was here before you, I was here before you…and before you know, Kpoa! The sound of jaw breaking blow. Molars flying up and down, blood everywhere. Like one I witnessed in Onitsha, Anambra state in a very hot afternoon. These two guys were fighting over who will withdraw first, and after they were given chance to withdraw, one credited his phone, the other one checked balance and they went away with broken tooth and blood-stained shirts.

The space bookers

Some people no like stress at all. When they get to the ATM and see a long queue, you hear them holla ‘who is the last person on the line? I’m behind you.’ Then they go find a comfortable shade and sit till it reaches their turn or very close to their turn. Some will even enter the bank to chill inside the air condition till it gets to their turn, then withdraw and bye bye. I cannot come and kill myself under this hot sun.

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The Reunion

The two friends meeting after a long time at the ATM. Normally reunions happen everywhere but the ones at the ATM is special because money is involved. So, when two friends meet at the ATM and you are in a long queue, you will be observing to make sure the greetings doesn’t end with exchange of ATM and pin to help the latecomer withdraw.

The street hawkers

Where two or more are gathered in a hot afternoon, expect to see hawkers there. Hawkers selling food stuffs, snacks and drinks in particular. For them it is an opportunity to make money out of your own ‘predicament’ – at the ATM queue under the hot sun.

The money counters

Some people naturally have trust issues, they don’t believe or trust anything unless they confirm it themselves. These types of people you can find at the ATM counting their money after withdrawing, not once but always. ATM no dey make mistake to me, it has never. If it has to you, let us know in the comment section.

The absent minded

This life dun tire some people to the extent that their mind nor fit dey one place. You see some people forgetting to collect their cards at the ATM after performing a transaction. This one time, this heavily endowed chick at my front forgot to collect her card and was leaving. As a sharp guy, I called her name from the card and she was surprised before she realized she had left her card. She gave me a cute smile, my brothers and sisters, the rest is history.

The Silent Observers

Some people will just go to the ATM, wait in the queue quietly watching what is going on around them, then withdraw when it gets to their turn and leave quietly. No small talk or chit chat. I won’t lie I’m definitely among this category. If I wasn’t, then how do you think I was able to write this piece accurately?

These are some of the different characters you can find at the ATM in Nigeria. Hope you enjoyed it. If there’s any you’ll like to add, do it in the comment section.

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